There are so many people who hear that a wake is being held and then they assume that it is just the funeral itself. Some other people skip the wake because they think it is optional and it is only for the close family members. Either choice can leave you missing the one moment when the grieving family most needs to see the friendly faces.
This article will explain what a funeral wake is, how it is different from the funeral, what you can wear, what to say and what it can cost.
What Is a Funeral Wake? Definition and Meaning
A wake is a gathering to honor the deceased person before the burial or cremation. It is held so that loved ones can visit with the family and pay their respect. The wake meaning comes from an old tradition of keeping watch over the body before burial.
Today, a funeral wake can be quiet and also formal or warm ceremony that is full of stories. There are some families who display the photographs, flowers, and keepsakes that will show who the person was. Others keep the setting very simple.
Is a wake before or after a funeral?
Generally a wake is held before the funeral. A common schedule is an evening wake at the funeral home that is followed by the funeral services in the next morning. This is the answer that most of the people need when they ask about one thing that is wake before or after a funeral.
Wake, visitation, and viewing
These terms overlap, and funeral homes may use them differently.
- Wake that is used in irish Catholic and other Christian communities.
- Visitors that is commonly used in America when guests visits the family
- Viewing, and it is a part of visitation when guests can see the person who died in open casket.
Wake vs Funeral: What Is the Difference?
The difference between a wake and the funeral is purpose and format. A wake is an informal gathering that is focused on the comfort and conversation. A funeral service is a structured ceremony that honor is the life of the deceased person and often includes the reading music and eulogy.
| Feature | Wake | Funeral service |
| Timing | Usually before the funeral | Usually after the wake |
| Purpose | Visit the family, offer comfort, pay respects | Formal ceremony to honor and say goodbye |
| Format | Open, drop-in style during set hours | Scheduled service with an order of events |
| Location | Often a funeral home | Funeral home, place of worship, or graveside |
| Body present | Often, in an open or closed casket | Often, but varies by tradition and family choice |
| Typical activities | Conversation, guest book, photo displays, prayers | Eulogy, readings, music, religious or secular rites |
| Dress | Conservative, respectful | Conservative, respectful |
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What Happens at a Wake? What to Expect
At wake, the guest can greet the family. Then they can sign a guestbook, offered the condolences to the family and spend some time sharing the memories of the person who died. Generally, the event is very relaxed and you do not need to stay for the full session.
Here is the general flow:
- Arrival. Guests enter the funeral home and sign the guest book.
- Paying respects. If the casket is open, guests may approach it quietly, pause, or say a short prayer.
- Greeting the family. Guests offer condolences to close relatives.
- Visiting. Guests speak softly with other friends and family.
- Closing prayer or remarks. Some wakes end with a prayer, also a poem, or a short reading.
Funeral Wake Etiquette: What to Say, Wear, and Bring
The good funeral etiquette comes down to being very respectful, brief and very kind. The main goal is to support the grieving family not to be perfect.
What to wear: wake vs funeral attire
At wake, you have to wear conservative, more sophisticated clothes in the dark muted colors for both events. The colors black, navy gray and dark neutral at the safe choices. The business attire work for most of the wakes.
There are some families who request the right colors or the casual clothing to celebrate the person’s life. Follow any instructions in the obituary of the invitation. If there is no guidance that is given then you can rest the same way for wake and the funeral and avoid anything that is revealing, noisy or distracting.
What to say to a grieving family
You have to keep your words very simple and sincere. Helpful phrases can include I’m sorry for your loss, I am thinking of you and your family, and I will always remember how kind they were to me.
You just have to make sure to avoid the phrases that try to fix or explain the loss such as everything that happens for the reason, if you do not know what to say then you can keep quiet and give a quiet hug or a handshake with the kind look and this will be enough.
Funeral wake flower arrangements
Flowers at the traditional wake expressed sympathy but always make sure to check the obituary first. Some families asked for the donations to a charity not flowers. Some religious traditions, including Jewish customs generally do not include flowers at their funeral.
If flowers are welcome, then you can send them to the funeral home before the wake begins. Include a card with your name so that the family knows who sent them. The funeral wake flower arrangement range from standing space to simple bouquets and the funeral director can use to tell you what fits the space.
How Much Does a Wake and Funeral Cost?
The cost of the wake and the funeral are itemized by the funeral home and can be different by location and the choices of family makes. Viewing or wake the charges for staff, facility use and the body preparation.
The National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) reports a national median cost of $8,300 for a funeral with viewing and burial in 2023, and $6,280 for a funeral with viewing and cremation, as shown in NFDA’s statistics and summarized by Axios in January 2026. The same Axios report notes the median price for a direct cremation was $2,750. NFDA’s 2023 price study is the most recent complete median cost study I could verify, so actual prices in 2026 may be higher in your area.
| Service type (NFDA 2023 median) | Includes viewing or wake? | Median cost |
| Funeral with viewing and burial | Yes | $8,300 |
| Funeral with viewing and cremation | Yes | $6,280 |
| Direct cremation | No | $2,750 |
How families pay for funeral costs
There are some families who often use saving, final expense insurance, but real insurance or life insurance that benefit to pay the funeral expenses. A pre need arrangement is another option. This will allow a person to plan and pay for their funeral in advance, which can reduce the burden on the loved ones. Make sure to read the contract and convert is covered and what is not.
A Simple Next Step
If you are attending a wake this week, you have to make sure to check the obituary before the time, location, dress guidance and also any request about the flowers or donations. Make sure to prepare one short, sincere sentence to say to the family and plan to stay a short time.
If you are planning ahead for your own family and want to understand how final expense coverage can help with funeral costs, Mlife insurance’s guides on life insurance and final expense planning explain the basics in plain language.
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Don’t leave your loved ones' financial security to chance. Use our expert tools and free resources to find the perfect coverage today.
FAQS
A wake is a gathering with the family and friends come together to remember someone who died. A viewing generally focuses on seeing the person’s body before the funeral. These two terms can overlap and it can depend on the family and culture.
The word wake comes from an old tradition of staying awake with a person who has died before burial. Today, the wake generally means a gathering to remember and honor the person.
Example: “We attended the funeral wake to offer our condolences to the family and remember our loved one.”
The words that are commonly used for the funeral wake are visitation, viewing, memorial gathering and funeral gathering. The best term totally depends on the type of service and the local customs.
Joyce Espinoza, Expert Life Insurance Agent
Joyce Espinoza is a trusted life insurance agent at mLifeInsurance.com. She’s been in the insurance industry for over ten years, helping people, especially those with special health conditions to find the right coverage. At MLife Insurance, Joyce writes easy-to-understand articles that help readers make smart choices about life insurance. Previously, she worked directly with clients at Mlife Insurance, advising nearly 3,000 of them on life insurance options.
